I had a "what am I doing here" moment yesterday.
See, I'm really driven. A good leader. Bright. With lots of potential. You'd think I'd be applying that to a successful career. We went to a barbecue at my husband's CO's house, and I was slightly jealous that I wasn't a CO. (Not a CO's wife- screw that noise!) I could be a CO. Not that I've ever had any desire to be in the military. My husband is very nurturing. He likes taking care of people, while I'm a good leader and very analytical. That's why he's a cook and I'm a SAHM driving myself crazy with bottled up "potential," waiting for the day we can switch roles and he can be a gourmet-cooking stay-at-home dad to teenage girls and I can be a society-shaping head of household on a feminist rampage.
I made myself feel better by reminding myself that while midwifery is a nurturing business, I'm getting into it so that I can empower women to take ownership of their bodies and take down the patriarchy. I'll just use that GI bill money to pay for my advanced practice nursing degree, and I'll infiltrate the hospitals, offering freedom to those who want it.
I want to break down barriers. How long do I have to stay around here changing diapers?
(And why do I feel the need to justify the fact that I love my kids and am very happy in my current role as if I'm a bad mom for harboring a secret ambition?)
5 comments:
I think it's rooted at our core. Kind of like giving yourself a compliment without saying something negative about yourself.
Have you seen? http://midwestteensexshow.com/ you would be amused
Roni and I had this discusssion yesterday. I feel like my brain is turning into a mush of Dr. Seuss and Backyardigans.
I'm just starting out on this whole SAHM thing and I know where you are coming from.
You are not alone. You are SO not alone. I constantly feel like I have to justify myself as a good mom simply because I want to be more than that.
I had this very discussion with my mother this morning. To which she responded "things are happening, they are just happening all at once".
Katie, I often think of you as a stellar role model. You impress me with your knowledge, gumption and wit. I see that you are keenly interested in becoming a midwife and you are so wise on the subject and I think that things are transpiring for you and you don't even realize it. Every bit of advice and piece of experience you share helps others. You are well on your way. I know that motherhood seems like a lovely hiccup and can be frustrating, but you are breaking barriers (at least in my eyes, if that counts). I know I'm not alone in my thinking. You inspire me to be a good mom, an open-minded human and a self-educated woman.
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