I am so tired. So incredibly tired. My two year old had fever for 4 days, and hasn't been more than an arm's reach away from me in a week. I need some space. I need solitude. I am CRAVING quiet and time to myself. I need to be able to get some work done. I cannot keep up with all my chores and tend to my sick little guy and take care of getting the big guy registered for school.
Kind of following Katie's post, I need some personal development. I need some self worth. I understand that I'm doing an important job raising the boys. I do understand it. I am glad that they are affectionate, compassionate, and generally good kids. I am relieved that they aren't dropped off at a daycare every day. I went that route with Chase until he was 2, and the difference in Logan today and Chase at the same point is incredible. I need friends. Like real-life, able to give a hug, let's go get a drink friends. I need some local support. I feel completely alone here, and it sucks. I need a challenge. I need my brain to be challenged and I am longing to learn.
I'm tired of changing diapers. I'm tired of being a waitress. I'm tired of answering five million questions an hour about things that I know he all ready knows the answer to. I'm tired of reiterating that the sofa is for sitting not jumping.
I need a break. I need something good. I need something to remind myself that I do matter in this jumble of diapers, dishes, and disarray.
I'm not even asking for a tropical beach with an island boy at my beck and call. Not that I'd turn that away right now.
4 comments:
Yep. We need a school in Jamaica. I'm so right there with you. The couch is for sitting, not jumping. I say that every 5 minutes.
I say fill out a FASDA it can't hurt
Ah man, I love you and hate that you are frustrated! I want to hop in the car and come entertain the boys for you, answer some questions for Chase for you and give you a huge hug. And I would love to leave all three boys with a sitter and go have 1 or 5 drinks with you.
You soul and spirit are so beautiful. It radiates outward and those around you see it and people flock to you. You are worthy of so much and that you question your self worth saddens me. You are such an amazing and giving person. That, of course, brings me to advise you to give to yourself. You are right to be tired. Still, you have the right to indulge in that which makes you happy. If that is strumming your toes as you wail Patsy's "Crazy" or even slipping on a vampy outfit and telling your husband to dance with you in the living room, then do it! Take chances Amber. Be wild and crazy. If the mundane days of mommyhood are going to make you crazy at times (like they do me), then make it a fun crazy.
Oh, and as for little man Chase and his questions, fire back with "you tell me the answer" or "why do you ask", maybe he'll get tired of the back and forth. ;)
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